For those of us who venture out after baby is mobile, you learn a few things.
Most painful for me has been what not to order. I am addicted to our local Mexican restaurant's chips and salsa. And my kids want what I have, no matter how much candy I try to stuff in their mouths so I can enjoy myself. But chips = choking hazard and salsa = hot hot hazard. Both also elicit tears.
Lesson #1 for business: Order food that will not make a scene. Soups can elicit slurping from you. Hand held food can get messy. Picture yourself eating said food and if you forsee any clumsiness, select that penne pasta dish over the fondue.
Chips and salsa orders are now confined to date nights. Our servers must see us as the couple who's rarely there but when they are spend hours downing the chips and salsa. Today, our family restaurant outings consist of places like Pizza Hut or Noodles and Co. Places that have very kid friendly meals. My child very likely to eat their pasta and they have pastas that I can stomach. I'm not a fan of tailoring my wants to those of my child's; normally, my mantra is "tough, your the kid and I'm the adult." But we do dinner out so rarely that I play along here.
Lesson #2 in business: when you eat out with colleagues, order what they order. This will keep you in their price range (which they will appreciate if they're treating.) If you're the first one to order, see Rule #1.
To save money, when eating as a family, we get water for drinks. But I've wittnesed many a child wailing when mom and dad get their beer and child is left with the flavorless water. There's no fooling them and you can only give your toddler so much beer... well, in most families.
This brings us to drinks and Rule #3 which is basically Rule #2 but more important. If you continually order alcoholic when they're ordering non, you're going to be judged as the party person, no matter if you order 1 or 20. If its the other way around, you'll be viewed as a fuddy duddy. When drinks are ordered, order along the same lines and price range of everyone else. Follow these simple sub-rules if you are asked first (many times, if you're the only woman there, you may be):
In order of importance:
a. Go alcoholic if its after 5 PM; non-alcoholic if before.
b. If non-alcoholic, order a drink from the menu and not just water 'from the tap.'
c. A glass of wine is usually acceptable. Lite beer is second most acceptable. I wouldn't go for a mixed cocktail if you're the first one to order.
These 3 rules should serve you very well. I know I broke quite a few when I was first working because I was so excited to have someone pay for dinner at a fancy place. It may sound like I'm telling you to bow to someone else's judgment. And I am. Impressions of you and your personality are often formed in the off-hours. Even more important, many business decisions take place in such a setting.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Housekeeping item
OK, 2 weeks and 6 days left until my due date with baby #3. Posts may be fewer and farther in between or more scatter brained than usual. Y'all are moms and understand.:)
Mom Tip: Go. To. Target. Today.
Here's a great money saver for the last week of February.
Target is giving away $5 giftcards for every 7 frozen food items spent. Usually frozen food items are less healthy and more expensive. BUT frozen vegetables and frozen juice are the exception. And both are priced a little below or above $1 each.
I bought 28 packages of juice and veggies and my total came to $27.80. (I do have a chest freezer - make sure you have room). At the checkout, they gave me $20 in gift cards but you cannot spend it on that purchase.
No worries for me because I was able to turn the cart around and get milk, lactaid, all my canned good needs, sugar, pasta and a very nice table cloth for $19.63 - so basically, FREE.
Target is giving away $5 giftcards for every 7 frozen food items spent. Usually frozen food items are less healthy and more expensive. BUT frozen vegetables and frozen juice are the exception. And both are priced a little below or above $1 each.
I bought 28 packages of juice and veggies and my total came to $27.80. (I do have a chest freezer - make sure you have room). At the checkout, they gave me $20 in gift cards but you cannot spend it on that purchase.
No worries for me because I was able to turn the cart around and get milk, lactaid, all my canned good needs, sugar, pasta and a very nice table cloth for $19.63 - so basically, FREE.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Other women: Friend or... bitch?
Sorry for the offensive title, first off.
I know for me, I was the latter when I was working, prior to having children. If they were at a higher level than me, there would be a nagging voice in the back of my head saying, "her brain is mush from kids, what does she know?" If she made a decision I disagreed with, I might fight harder against it because of this attitude. If I agreed with her directive, I would chalk it up to luck. And heaven help her if she got a job I wanted... that was my attitude behind her back and it was so unfair. She was having, I am sure, a hard time adjusting to returning to the workplace. She probably felt the need to overcompensate or overshow her skills to make up for the 'time off.' The woman I was scares me about jumping back into the workplace because I know it is not just me that holds these attitudes.
The moms who have been working the whole time are slightly resentful (funny somedays now I find myself jealous of THEM.) Your decision makes them feel guilty, brining up some of the same attitudes. This isn't every working mother but many, in my own experience.
So, childless or otherwise, there are attitudes about you formed before you even sit at your desk. You cannot ignore the fact that you had children. You are not going to preach to the working mothers, even though your presence and choices will make some feel guilty. How do you make allies with other women when relaunching your career?
I do not have a solid answer as I have yet to relaunch into the business world. Sincerity and genunine interest in others is a start... brush up on Dale Carnegie's "How to Make Friends and Influence Others." This book, written early last century, is a very brief gold nugget on making friends at work. Simple things like smile, genuninely listen, care. You have to want to make the effort because anyone can smell a suck-up a mile away. Look for favors you can do for them as low hanging fruits... going down the hall to get coffee? Ask if anyone else wants any. Writing an important report for corporate? Enlist the assistance of those around you to be a "second pair of eyes" and put their names under yours on said report. Do not become their doormat but look for ways to bust their attitudes. You will not totally erase that but you may turn a bitch into an equal coworker and maybe someday, a friend.
I know for me, I was the latter when I was working, prior to having children. If they were at a higher level than me, there would be a nagging voice in the back of my head saying, "her brain is mush from kids, what does she know?" If she made a decision I disagreed with, I might fight harder against it because of this attitude. If I agreed with her directive, I would chalk it up to luck. And heaven help her if she got a job I wanted... that was my attitude behind her back and it was so unfair. She was having, I am sure, a hard time adjusting to returning to the workplace. She probably felt the need to overcompensate or overshow her skills to make up for the 'time off.' The woman I was scares me about jumping back into the workplace because I know it is not just me that holds these attitudes.
The moms who have been working the whole time are slightly resentful (funny somedays now I find myself jealous of THEM.) Your decision makes them feel guilty, brining up some of the same attitudes. This isn't every working mother but many, in my own experience.
So, childless or otherwise, there are attitudes about you formed before you even sit at your desk. You cannot ignore the fact that you had children. You are not going to preach to the working mothers, even though your presence and choices will make some feel guilty. How do you make allies with other women when relaunching your career?
I do not have a solid answer as I have yet to relaunch into the business world. Sincerity and genunine interest in others is a start... brush up on Dale Carnegie's "How to Make Friends and Influence Others." This book, written early last century, is a very brief gold nugget on making friends at work. Simple things like smile, genuninely listen, care. You have to want to make the effort because anyone can smell a suck-up a mile away. Look for favors you can do for them as low hanging fruits... going down the hall to get coffee? Ask if anyone else wants any. Writing an important report for corporate? Enlist the assistance of those around you to be a "second pair of eyes" and put their names under yours on said report. Do not become their doormat but look for ways to bust their attitudes. You will not totally erase that but you may turn a bitch into an equal coworker and maybe someday, a friend.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Change... for Dummies (part I)
If possible, introducing change to the workplace is messier than most diapers. There are whole courses, whole degree tracks, dedicated to incorporating change and dealing with change. My most verbose post (and lets admit, they are long) is only a fraction of the length of stuff available on this topic. Its vitally important and not going anywhere. Whether you're going back to work next year or in 15 years, this topic will remain relevant.
The first term you learn associated with change in the business world is "LOW HANGING FRUIT." This refers to the part of a fruit tree that is accessible to everyone (all employees) and not just the apple pickers. (the boss)
You see, change is scary. Even if you can convince your boss to adopt a change, employee buy in is no guarantee and frankly, just as vital. Employees who are wary of changes will resist adopting them both physically (refusing to change) or involuntarily (taking longer to learn because they do not want to change.) I hate to stereotype, but this is both of my prior administrative assistants TO A TEE. Both had been working at the same place for decades, both had been doing things the same way. Said changes both came from my respective supervisors. However, I was the one in the middle. Neither communicated the changes very well to begin with (thats another topic) which sucked. I was the one getting paperwork poorly done, if done at all. They felt they could complain to me, that I was on their side. But I just wanted the work completed and many times, ended up shouldering their portion until I learned about the low hanging fruit.
The low hanging fruit at work is an easy and incremental change that anyone can adopt. Find something that takes almost no effort or makes the job visibly easier and implement that. Find more low hanging fruits to pick/changes to adopt. Once that level is mastered, these employees don't even know they have started to change. Then, you can move to the next more complex level of adopting the changes.
Many offices saw resistance with the advent of recycling. This is because it was given as a mandate with little direction as to how to recycle. The secretary was left to sort and unstaple papers and no one wanted to pick the cans out of the garbage bins. The first low hanging fruit most offices picked was to add green containers for soda can disposal. This was adopted by secretaries and CEOs alike. Then, many offices adopted the paper box where unstapled paper went. All employees were bought staple removers. These sound like little steps but they built the confidence of employees so that the employer, after a few months, could easily and fairly ask them to use recycling as they purge records. Finally, with the disposal of paper being perceived as easy, they felt confident when said office switched to paperless methods of invoicing and communications.
I liken it to teaching a toddler to write letters. I got no where trying to teach my 4 year old how to write an A or B or C et cetera... but when I broke it down and had him writing long lines and short lines and circles and curves and 'teeth' (M, W), suddenly, he understood when I said, "baby B has a line and a circle at the bottom." This technique is often used to get one's hubby to help in with chores (can you just scrub that pan from dinner and maybe the few cups in the sink?); I gotta admit I've yet to use it because my husband is a superstar in this area but I've heard it works, too:)
The first term you learn associated with change in the business world is "LOW HANGING FRUIT." This refers to the part of a fruit tree that is accessible to everyone (all employees) and not just the apple pickers. (the boss)
You see, change is scary. Even if you can convince your boss to adopt a change, employee buy in is no guarantee and frankly, just as vital. Employees who are wary of changes will resist adopting them both physically (refusing to change) or involuntarily (taking longer to learn because they do not want to change.) I hate to stereotype, but this is both of my prior administrative assistants TO A TEE. Both had been working at the same place for decades, both had been doing things the same way. Said changes both came from my respective supervisors. However, I was the one in the middle. Neither communicated the changes very well to begin with (thats another topic) which sucked. I was the one getting paperwork poorly done, if done at all. They felt they could complain to me, that I was on their side. But I just wanted the work completed and many times, ended up shouldering their portion until I learned about the low hanging fruit.
The low hanging fruit at work is an easy and incremental change that anyone can adopt. Find something that takes almost no effort or makes the job visibly easier and implement that. Find more low hanging fruits to pick/changes to adopt. Once that level is mastered, these employees don't even know they have started to change. Then, you can move to the next more complex level of adopting the changes.
Many offices saw resistance with the advent of recycling. This is because it was given as a mandate with little direction as to how to recycle. The secretary was left to sort and unstaple papers and no one wanted to pick the cans out of the garbage bins. The first low hanging fruit most offices picked was to add green containers for soda can disposal. This was adopted by secretaries and CEOs alike. Then, many offices adopted the paper box where unstapled paper went. All employees were bought staple removers. These sound like little steps but they built the confidence of employees so that the employer, after a few months, could easily and fairly ask them to use recycling as they purge records. Finally, with the disposal of paper being perceived as easy, they felt confident when said office switched to paperless methods of invoicing and communications.
I liken it to teaching a toddler to write letters. I got no where trying to teach my 4 year old how to write an A or B or C et cetera... but when I broke it down and had him writing long lines and short lines and circles and curves and 'teeth' (M, W), suddenly, he understood when I said, "baby B has a line and a circle at the bottom." This technique is often used to get one's hubby to help in with chores (can you just scrub that pan from dinner and maybe the few cups in the sink?); I gotta admit I've yet to use it because my husband is a superstar in this area but I've heard it works, too:)
Monday, February 14, 2011
Monday: Charity begins at home
The next part of the resume for a stay at home mother is charity/volunteer work. Physically writing out your unpaid experience can help you, come resume construction time. It can also be either an ego-booster or a humbling experience, depending on how much/how little you have done with your free time. List ALL experience you can recall; executive profiles often include seemingly 'meaningless' items like church committee and such, but these items are still service.
Listing the items in front of you is also going to help you look for new volunteer outlets. Unpaid work is definitely resume-worthy material; it is also a fantastic way to keep dusting off your leadership skills. It is also a great way to get a break from the kids:)
Below is a listing of what I did during both my professional and non-professional lives. Group memberships are important to list, but even moreso are the things you have done:
-Religious ed. instructor
-Member of local mom's group
-Organized fundraisers for local maternity home
-College MBA Alumni Association
As you can see, my list is not terribly impressive. But here are some things it tells me.
INTEREST AREAS: Where do my interests lie in relation to my non paid experience? In my case, the answer would be faith, motherhood, pregnancy, education. What other organizations would allow me to flex my unpaid experience muscles?
CONNECTIONS: I belong to two groups. Do either of these organizations have fundraisers or committees with which I can assist? Are there any members of either group can help me find volunteer opportunities?
COMMITTEES: Do any of my groups/interest areas have committees I can join? This is a fantastic item for any resume, no matter how short your paid work experiencee. Most committees will meet once a month AT MOST and require minimal take home work/studying on your part. Many committees for schools or community organizations only meet during the school year to accomodate families. Committees also LOVE young members. My generation is not reknown for joining or contributing. This is your chance to step and do your civic duty, too!
Brainstorm everything and then eliminate only by physical limitations. For example, a nursing mother cannot be gone too long from the home, but she can group email her parish mom's
group and suggest/coordinate a diaper drive or canned goods drive for the local maternity home.
The final step is to just join something. There is a disclaimer that should be made: this is a resume building excercise that should also prove quite fulfilling. Any little thing does make a difference. But do not join anything looking for explicit 'thank yous' or a chance to make big, sweeping reforms for the better. Sometimes committees are merely sounding boards for the boss. Frustration is common among members who have these high expectations and do not gettheir ways. Changes made may be incremental; that has to be OK with you or you will not be successful.
Listing the items in front of you is also going to help you look for new volunteer outlets. Unpaid work is definitely resume-worthy material; it is also a fantastic way to keep dusting off your leadership skills. It is also a great way to get a break from the kids:)
Below is a listing of what I did during both my professional and non-professional lives. Group memberships are important to list, but even moreso are the things you have done:
-Religious ed. instructor
-Member of local mom's group
-Organized fundraisers for local maternity home
-College MBA Alumni Association
As you can see, my list is not terribly impressive. But here are some things it tells me.
INTEREST AREAS: Where do my interests lie in relation to my non paid experience? In my case, the answer would be faith, motherhood, pregnancy, education. What other organizations would allow me to flex my unpaid experience muscles?
CONNECTIONS: I belong to two groups. Do either of these organizations have fundraisers or committees with which I can assist? Are there any members of either group can help me find volunteer opportunities?
COMMITTEES: Do any of my groups/interest areas have committees I can join? This is a fantastic item for any resume, no matter how short your paid work experiencee. Most committees will meet once a month AT MOST and require minimal take home work/studying on your part. Many committees for schools or community organizations only meet during the school year to accomodate families. Committees also LOVE young members. My generation is not reknown for joining or contributing. This is your chance to step and do your civic duty, too!
Brainstorm everything and then eliminate only by physical limitations. For example, a nursing mother cannot be gone too long from the home, but she can group email her parish mom's
group and suggest/coordinate a diaper drive or canned goods drive for the local maternity home.
The final step is to just join something. There is a disclaimer that should be made: this is a resume building excercise that should also prove quite fulfilling. Any little thing does make a difference. But do not join anything looking for explicit 'thank yous' or a chance to make big, sweeping reforms for the better. Sometimes committees are merely sounding boards for the boss. Frustration is common among members who have these high expectations and do not gettheir ways. Changes made may be incremental; that has to be OK with you or you will not be successful.
Friday, February 11, 2011
Friday: SWOT yourself
OK followers (ew, creepy), Friday is homework day.
Per the most recent post on this blog, create a SWOT analysis of yourself in relationship to a career in the near or distant future.
Strengths & Weaknesses: Pretty straightforward. Do this from the perspective of past employers or from your personality. Usually, good and bad personality traits are reflected in our paid work.
Opportunities: What are some doors that could open to you in the future? Possible future career paths? Money making ideas? Anything into which you could incorporate your mommy experience? Any ideas that can let you spend the least time away from your children while making the most $$ for your family?
Threats: What are some things that are going to stand in the way of a great career (besides the whole kid-work conflict thing)?
Rule is that you have to have an equal number of points for each category so if only can think of one weaknesses ("I'm a perfectionist" HA) then you can only answer one strength, opportunity, etc. Not only does this keep the excercise humble (because we need that after scraping up poop all day, right?) but it can help us realize the good things that might be instore for us, too. And the answers could be a great resource for future interviews.
You don't need to post in the comments section but here is a brief example of my SWOT:
Strength: I am passionately enthusiastic about workplace quality.
Weakness: I am horrible at follow through if initiatives last more than a week.
Opportunity: Create a professional organization for women who were stay at home moms and are now working, that will mentor mothers back into the work place. Many times moms who return face 'attitudes' from the men who work there (who's wives did the same thankyouverymuch) or from moms who worked (guilt) or from people without kids. Members would support and help one another.
Threat: My MBA is going to make people assume I need more $$ when in fact I do not have very much professional experience.
Careful about enlisting others to SWOT you. A) thats not legal or nice and B) this could become a heated conversation, along the lines of "Honey, does my butt look big in this?"
Per the most recent post on this blog, create a SWOT analysis of yourself in relationship to a career in the near or distant future.
Strengths & Weaknesses: Pretty straightforward. Do this from the perspective of past employers or from your personality. Usually, good and bad personality traits are reflected in our paid work.
Opportunities: What are some doors that could open to you in the future? Possible future career paths? Money making ideas? Anything into which you could incorporate your mommy experience? Any ideas that can let you spend the least time away from your children while making the most $$ for your family?
Threats: What are some things that are going to stand in the way of a great career (besides the whole kid-work conflict thing)?
Rule is that you have to have an equal number of points for each category so if only can think of one weaknesses ("I'm a perfectionist" HA) then you can only answer one strength, opportunity, etc. Not only does this keep the excercise humble (because we need that after scraping up poop all day, right?) but it can help us realize the good things that might be instore for us, too. And the answers could be a great resource for future interviews.
You don't need to post in the comments section but here is a brief example of my SWOT:
Strength: I am passionately enthusiastic about workplace quality.
Weakness: I am horrible at follow through if initiatives last more than a week.
Opportunity: Create a professional organization for women who were stay at home moms and are now working, that will mentor mothers back into the work place. Many times moms who return face 'attitudes' from the men who work there (who's wives did the same thankyouverymuch) or from moms who worked (guilt) or from people without kids. Members would support and help one another.
Threat: My MBA is going to make people assume I need more $$ when in fact I do not have very much professional experience.
Careful about enlisting others to SWOT you. A) thats not legal or nice and B) this could become a heated conversation, along the lines of "Honey, does my butt look big in this?"
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